幽默的英语笑话

　　teacher: here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. now who can tell us which is which?

　　student: i cannot point out but i know the answer.

　　teacher: please tell us.

　　student: the swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

　　幽默的英语笑话【二】

　　"can you tell me what fish net is made, ann?"

　　"a lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

　　幽默的英语笑话【三】

　　Jerry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!" Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." How much do you charge?" A hundred dollars per visit." I'll sleep on it," said Jerry. Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for $10." "Is that so! How?" He told me to cut the legs off the bed!" Ain't nobody under there now!

　　幽默的英语笑话【四】

　　One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

　　幽默的英语笑话【五】

　　I was accompanying my husband on a business trip. He carried his portable computer with him, and the guard at the airport gate asked him to open the case. It was locked, and the man waited patiently as my embarrassed spouse struggled to remember the combination. At last he succeeded.

　　“Why are you so nervous?"I asked him.

　　"The numbers are the date of our annivorsary．my husband confessed.

　　幽默的英语笑话【六】

　　One moming a colleague said，"I need to leave early tomorrow That aftemoon he followed up with, "Looks like l'll be coming in late tomorrow,but if my coming in late runs into myIeaving early,then I won't be in at all."

　　幽默的英语笑话【七】

　　The Great Lakes Laboratoryemployed a licensed boat captain for its research vessel.It was common knowledge that the captain couldn't swim. When newcomers learned of this,they would often aproach him about jt,"ls it true ？ You,a boat captain, can't swim ? ""No,I can't!"he replied. "Can pilots fly?"

　　幽默的英语笑话【八】

　　A mother saw her three-year-old son put nickel in his mouth and swallowed it. She immediately picked hime up, turned him upside down and hit him on the back, whereupon he coughed up two dimes. Frantically, she called to the father outside. "Your son just swallowed a nickel and coughed up two dimes!What shall I do? "Yelled back the father,"Keep feeding him nickels!"

　　幽默的英语笑话【九】

　　A patron in Montreal cafe turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded. "This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked C gave me boiling water.""But, Monsieur, C stands for chaude - French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal.""Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked C.""Of course," said the manager, "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city."

　　幽默的英语笑话【十】

　　One day a man was taunting Alexandre Dumas，the greatFrench novelist，with his ancestry． “Why，” snarled the fellow，“you are a quadroon；yourfather was a mulatto，and your grandfather was a negro．” “Yes，” roared Dumas，“and，if you wish to know'mygreatgrandfather was a monkey． In fact， my pedigree beganwhere yours terminates．”